Things That Go Bump In The Night

expat life expat mums expat parenting expat parenting abroad Oct 26, 2020

We all have fears. 

For the girls it’s the darkness, they have fairy lights strung above their beds to help them relax and get to sleep at night. 

When it gets really bad, we have a lovely picture book “Can’t You Sleep Little Bear”. Little Bear can’t sleep, there’s dark all around him in the Bear Cave. Not even Big Bear’s biggest lantern can light up the darkness of the night outside. But then Big Bear finds the perfect way to reassure Little Bear by showing him “the bright yellow moon and all the twinkling stars”. Reading this book is a lovely way of reassuring the girls that the night sky is beautiful and not something to be feared.

But, we all have fears. 

For me it’s the fear I might fail my clients, that I actually am not good enough to help them.

When it gets really bad, I find I can’t progress anything. Then I will usually have a client call coming up that day or the next, and perhaps it’s serendipity, but my client will say something like “I always feel clearer and more focused after our sessions, these are so important to me”. 

In these moments I realise I have to look beyond my immediate fear. I have to see the big night sky – the impact that I am able to have and cherish that as a strength.

Again, we all have fears.

When you feel fear, it can present in many ways. For some people they experience imposter syndrome. For others it might be insecurities about being liked. 

What’s really important with our fears is that we are objective about them. That we put them into context and try not to let the fear control our lives. 

When we are driven by fear, we are not able to make rational decisions. Our responses are more knee jerk. We can also dismiss the impact it might have on someone else.

We all have fears.

I want you to know fear is normal. It is a chemical reaction in the brain. It is a way our body protects us. But you need to be aware of your fears, and as I said put them into context. Understand where it’s coming from, but don’t allow yourself to be driven by the fear.

Simply name that fear, then ask yourself “is it true”, “could this be real”? Likely your common sense will acknowledge that it’s not.

If the fear persists, then you have an opportunity to do something about it. As I say to the girls (and to myself sometimes) just pull on your big girl pants and do something about it.

You essentially have two choices – fight or flight. Which one will you choose?

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