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How to stop filling your life with crap!

expat life expat mums expat parenting expat parenting abroad Oct 11, 2021

I’m not much of a gambling person, but I’m willing to bet you know just how lonely it feels to be busy in your life, but still empty at the end of the day. 

There is a tendency among us to keep adding more ‘stuff’ to our lives, saying yes to everything that we’re asked to do, doing things because everyone else seems to be. When in reality what we’re actually doing is filling our lives with crap!

I know what it looks like and I know how it feels because I did it too. And I’m not saying it’s wrong. What I am suggesting is that there is a better, more meaningful way.

During our time living in Asia I couldn’t work in my career - legal and language barriers prevented me from pursuing leadership roles in Human Resources. 

Instead I volunteered my time organising the parent/toddler play groups; leading the networking groups or women's groups; serving as a volunteer with NGO’s and leading the parent organisation at the girls school. 

I showed up, I gave it 100%, I used the skills and experiences from my corporate career and I did an excellent job, at all of it. I was so good, I was asked to do more, to give more, to serve more. 

Yet when I got home I was grumpy with my girls. I didn’t have any tolerance for them. I snapped at them often. I am ashamed to admit, I wasn’t a very nice mum. When I think back I just cringe with disappointment in myself. 

Why was I this way? Because when we’re unhappy with ourselves, when we’re not leading fulfilling lives with true, meaningful activity, we feel empty, lost, guilty, frustrated, angry! 

These feelings are real and they tend to overtake everything else that we are. Then we take it out on those we love. My girls wore the brunt of it, but so did hubby. I didn’t have the capacity to support him through his challenges at work, I was too tired at the end of the day. Mentally and emotionally exhausted.

I had filled my life with crap and that left me feeling angry and frustrated at the end of almost every day. I knew the roles I was filling were important, they were roles needed by others, the work I was doing was a lifeline for those around me. I just didn’t do it in a mindful and meaningful way, I didn’t do it in a way that filled my own cup. 

Have you ever found yourself in this spiral? Once you start, it is very hard to stop the spinning and to get out of the loop.

I had a dawning moment of realisation when I had yelled at the girls one too many times. So I made a conscious decision when we were leaving Chongqing, I was going to change my relationship with the girls and hubby. 

How was I going to do this? To be honest, at the time I wasn’t sure. I just knew I needed to approach my life differently. 

I made the decision that I wouldn’t be a ‘yes’ person anymore. I wouldn’t commit to things that I wasn’t 100% sure was going to serve ME.

I made the decision that I would invest time and energy to discover what it was that I really wanted, that I really needed, that would support me.

It’s not an easy process by any means, but it is a process. As a result of my rediscovery period, which coincided with our move into our apartment in Taipei, I discovered Tandem Nomads et voila Expat Parenting Abroad was born.

By no means am I suggesting starting your own business is the outcome for you. But there is a clear process that will support you to stop filling your life with crap.

Firstly, recognise the spiral you are in. When you can see that your relationships are being impacted because of how you are feeling internally, not because of anything else fundamentally wrong, you then have the power to change it.

Acknowledge the pain you are in. Acknowledge how this is manifesting. If you can, apologise to those around you. That was an amazing moment for me and the girls, saying sorry and explaining how I was going to be different.

Secondly, get clear on you. What will fill your cup? What is meaningful to you? What is it that you need?

Is it a new hobby? Is it finding a better balance? Is it returning to part time work? Is it a career change? Is it starting your own business? What is going to fill your cup?

Thirdly, create a plan. Once you are clear on what you want, work out how you can have it. Identify the steps you can take. One big goal needs at least 3 small steps. Then break those steps into today, then tomorrow. What is the next right thing that will take me towards filling my cup?

It is time to stop filling your life with crap. It is time to stop taking it out on those around you. You can do this!

But please know, you don’t have to do it alone. I have a 6 week coaching program that will take you step by step through the process of rediscovery, overcoming the mindset challenges, and finally filling your cup! 

Join me inside Kickstart Life and you can have it all clear and be working on it before 2021 finishes. 

It doesn’t matter what your outcome might be - new hobbies, better balance in life, returning to part time work, starting your own business. The outcome is unique to you, but the process to get there is the same.

I promise you a life changing experience. I promise to guide and support you every step of the way. You CAN finish 2021 feeling strong and ready for 2022! 

Don’t wait, enrolment is open now until Thursday 14 October >>join here<<

I am so excited to see you inside Kickstart Life!

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