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3 Steps to Take Ownership of Your Feelings

expat life expat mums expat parenting expat parenting abroad Oct 04, 2021

 Sometimes life throws us curve balls. Sometimes we are waiting at the pitch for it. Sometimes it takes us completely by surprise.

The fact that life is sometimes challenging, is absolutely normal… for everyone. What’s the saying, walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. We all face curve balls, we all experience challenges. What’s different between individuals is how they respond to those challenges.

Challenges provide us with an opportunity to learn, to grow, to become a better person. It doesn’t matter the size of the challenge, what matters is how we respond. 

Let’s face it, living in transition is a huge challenge in itself, it’s also made up of many small challenges.

Identifying which packet is flour you can use for baking, I know I’ve cried tears of sheer frustration as I realised it wasn’t baking flour but chickpea flour, those cupcakes were not good! Finding groceries is a challenge, and there are days it can overwhelm you.

If you’ve given up your career for this transition, finding meaning and fulfilment in your experience can be one of the biggest hurdles you have to overcome. The first few months are ok, but you get to a point where everyday life activities are kinda sorted and you sit with your cup of tea in the morning and wonder what you might turn to next? How can you invest your time and energy in a meaningful way? I remember that moment so clearly, sitting on my balcony in Taipei, wondering now what?

Challenges come in all shapes and sizes, my dad always said they were sent to make us stronger. And he was right! Challenges happen… to everyone. There is no point in blaming other people. There is no point in dwelling on what outcomes could have been. There is no point in focusing on the ‘what if…’ scenarios. 

You need to focus on the reality, what did happen and what is the impact on you and/or your family. You need to work out how you move beyond the challenge. To enable that, you need to take ownership of your feelings. 

Your feelings can range from anger, to frustration. From loss, to guilt. Your feelings are real, you’re not imagining them. What is important is that you now pause, that you take stock and you take ownership for those feelings.

There are simple steps that will support you to take ownership of your feelings.

Firstly, reflect. You can sit quietly, you can doodle, you can journal about it. But you need to reflect and get clear on what has happened. Articulate for yourself what the challenge is, and why it is a challenge for you. 

Ask yourself, what challenges am I facing? Why does this impact me? What feelings does it invoke?

When you spend time reflecting, you give yourself the opportunity to own your experience. To understand it at a deeper level. To connect with what is happening for you - notice I didn’t say ‘to’ you. This is an important point of difference, reframing how you see that challenge can help you move on from being a victim of that challenge.

Invest a little time and energy in reflection. This stage is important.

Secondly, learn. Once you have spent some time and energy in reflection, you are then able to learn from your experience. 

Ask yourself what action could you take? What could you have done differently? What changes could you make as a result?

Without learning, we become stale in our lives. We need to seek the opportunity to learn from every experience, whether it's the baking disaster or the lack of fulfilment. Learning from the experience of the challenge is what makes us stronger.

Thirdly, grow. Reflection and learning create the pathway for growth. A challenge will often create an opportunity, there will always be a silver lining from any experience. Once you’ve reflected and learned from it, you can then grow and harness those opportunities.

Growth doesn’t always come easy, but it is possible from every challenge we face. 

Ask yourself what are the opportunities that have arisen from this challenge? Then consider what you could do next? What do you want to do? 

Once you start to make a plan, take one small step each day. Each little step will build, it will create a bigger path, which will lead to a new outcome for you.

If you want support in this process? If you want to truly reflect, learn and grow then I encourage you to join me inside Kickstart Life

Kickstart Life is a 6 week online coaching program that will take you through the step by step process to finally grow and shape a different life for yourself. It doesn’t matter what your outcome might be - new hobbies, better balance in life, returning to part time work, starting your own business. The outcome is unique to you, but the process to get there is the same.

I promise you a life changing experience. I promise to guide and support you every step of the way. You CAN finish 2021 feeling strong and ready for 2022! Don’t wait, enrolment is open now until Thursday 14 October >>join here<<

I am so excited to see you inside Kickstart Life!


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